For My Beloved
by Regularamanda
Summary: What caused Kanan/Jack from the episode 'Abyss' to go back for Shayla. Sam/Jack
1. Never Leave People Behind

_After watching 'Abyss' I really needed to do a story on what had made Kanan decided to go after Shayla in the first place. _

**Set before **_**Abyss**_

**Never Leave People Behind**

He hated snakes he really truly did. In fact he'd only meet one snake that he liked and that had more to do with the host body then the actually symbiote itself. He was grateful for Kanan for saving his life but that was as far as it went. All he wanted right now was to get this _thing_ out of his head.

_I can hear you_ the thing said inside his head.

'yeah yeah whatever'

The thing remained silent.

'I only agreed to do this so the Tok'ra could get their intel, I never would have had you put into my head if it had just been to save my life.' He thought bitterly.

It's not that he welcomed death, but he just liked being himself. And he hadn't been able to disappoint _her_, or leave her for that matter.

Jack felt Kanan perk up when he had thought about Sam. And then he could feel the snake start to go through his memories that he had of her.

'Stop that right now!' The snake wasn't listening.

Jack in his mind saw what Kanan was seeing. Sam in that long blue dress on one of their first missions. Her kissing him passionately when she had been under a virus. Sam lying on the floor of the prison cell after her encounter with Jolinar, and his thinking her dead. Him comforting the other Sam when she had told him that she had lost him in her reality. Him being stuck on a planet for a hundred days, wanting only her by his side. Him refusing to leave her when she had gotten stuck behind the forcefield, which had made him admit his feelings to her. Him kissing her during the time loop multiple times. Sam curled up by his side when she had been Thera. Having to shot her twice with a zat. More recently her being kidnapped and him being willing to do anything to get her back to him.

_You love her_ Kanan said suddenly

'None of your business.' Jack thought bitterly.

_If you don't love her then why did you refuse to leave her, and why would you go all the way to Washington for her?_ Kanan asked.

'We don't leave our people behind.' He thought.

Jack was suddenly struck with a mental picture of a very pretty woman who he didn't recognize. At first he was confused and then he realized that the picture in his head was from Kanan.

_I left her behind_ the snake told him.

Jack tried to feel sympathy for him, but all he felt was disgust. They never left people behind and that was the one thing that made him who he was. And you especially didn't leave behind the people you claimed to love. And people wondered why he didn't like snakes!

_I was not allowed to have a relationship with her, just as your not supposed to love your Samantha, I was not supposed to love my Shayla. _Kanan told him bitterly.

'Why not?' Jack had regulations standing in his way but what possible reason could this Tok'ra have?

_She is a Goa'uld's most trusted servant._ Kanan filled in the blanks for Jack.

'Not only do we not leave our people behind, we never leave them in enemy hands.' Jack thought angrily.

Jack was bombarded with images and feelings for Kanan's woman for several long minutes.

_I must go back for her_ Kanan said apologetically.

'I know.' Jack thought as Kanan was already planning a way to sneak out of the Tok'ra base.

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_Author's note-Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. And there will be two more parts to this story, which I should have up in the next few days. They should be longer as well!_


	2. Hold On

**Set during **_**Abyss**_

**Hold on**

Jack was ticked. Not so much on the whole 'I have to go back for her thing' but rather the whole 'lets desert the poor human so he'll face the torture alone.' Yeah that was what really ticked him off. This was not the way to keep the Tok'ra in his good graces. Now he was left alone to face the torture from Ba'al alone. Oh sure Daniel had shown up to keep him company, but his damn ascended friend wouldn't even spring him from this Hell. He needed some new friends.

Kanan had snuck away from the Tok'ra to go back for Shayla and they had been so close to freedom when the Jaffa had caught them. And then Kanan had just…left him. Under normal circumstances this would have made him extremely happy, but not when it as the snakes fault they went back in the first place. Well technically that wasn't true. Kanan had gone back for Shayla because Jack didn't leave people behind. Especially the one's that they were in love with.

Shayla's face came to mind and he was startled when he realized she almost looked like Sam. Same figure and the same short blonde hair. In the dark recesses of his mind he knew under no circumstances would he have left Sam behind. He would willingly die for her if that meant that she would be safe, and if she died he would die inside. There really had been no choice.

Jack still had Kanan's memories, even though the Tok'ra wasn't in him anymore. His mind unwillingly went to Kanan's memories of Shayla. At first Kanan had just used her to get to Ba'als quarters. But soon those feelings had changed and Kanan had fallen for the soft spoken woman. They had had an affair and Jack vaguely saw Kanan passionately kissing Shayla in the darkness of a room, away from prying eyes. And she had kissed him back, had loved Kanan as much as he had loved her.

And then his mission had ended and he had been forced to leave her behind. The Tok'ra knew the greater good that had to be done, and couldn't go back for the woman that Kanan loved. He wasn't even supposed to love her in the first place.

Jack chuckled softly. Kanan had been right, their two situations had been something alike. He wasn't supposed to love his second in command either and he did. The snake asked him if he loved her because he wouldn't leave her when they had been stuck behind the force shield. And his response had been that they didn't leave their people behind which was very true, but it had also had to do with him loving Sam. And there had been no way he was going to leave her there. He wasn't that kind of man. Which was why when Kanan had let him see his feelings for Shayla, he hadn't put up a fight when he had said he needed to go back for her. He knew the helpless feeling of being separated from a loved one. Like now when he was all alone. But as much as he missed Sam he was thanking whoever was out their listening that Sam wasn't with him, that she was safe back on earth.

Not only was the torture unbearable but the boredom was pretty bad as well. What he wouldn't do for a yoyo he thought as he situated himself on the floor of his cell.

"Jack." An ascended voice called out to him from the other side of the cell.

"Come to spring me Space Monkey?" Jack questioned already knowing what the answer was going to be.

"No." Daniel said sadly.

"Well you know I'm not going to Ascend so what the Hell are you doing here?"

"Every time you go in there your going to lose a part of yourself Jack, but you need to try your hardest to fight it…for her. They're so close to finding a way to get you out." Daniel told him. "Do you really want them to find a way to help you out and then for you not to be yourself?"

"I don't know who the _her_ is your referring to Daniel." Jack said hoping he'd just let the subject drop.

"Don't play dumb with me. We both know how you feel about her, and how she feels about you."

"Is that really any of your concern?" Jack questioned him.

"Yes it is, Sam's my friend. I saw how hard she worked to get you home from Edora three years ago. It nearly killed her inside to be without you during that time. How do you think it's going to be now if you get out and your not the same man that she feel in love with?"

Jack really hated this kind of talk with Daniel. Hell he hated talking about his feelings to anyone let alone his once best friend turned ancient. "Well then I guess its better if I rot in here isn't it?" Jack threw out bitterly.

"No you need to get back to her. If you don't care about yourself, then at least think about her. If you don't come back she will cease to be the Samantha Carter you know and love."

"She'll be fine Daniel. Sam's strong. She doesn't care about me that much." Jack said uncomfortably.

"She blames herself for your being her. She thinks she forced you to get implanted with the symbiote. If you die, she will never be able to get over that. She loves you Jack, more then you'll ever be able to know."

Jack looked into Daniel's eyes and saw that he was telling the truth.

"I know you'll do anything for her, she needs you." Daniel told him honestly.

"Fine Daniel." Jack said giving up. It was really hard to argue with an ascended being, and then when he brought Sam into the discussion, well Jack would have agreed to just about anything.

"Hold on for her." And with that he was once again left alone.

Daniel though had made him realize something. He needed to get home. So he would fight, try to hold on as much as he could, so that if a chance arose he could get out of here and see his beloved once again.

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_Author's note- Thanks for reading and let me know if you liked it. The last part should be up soon._


	3. Alive

_Author's note- Whoa sorry everyone I had chapter 2 as this one as well, this is the right one, sorry for the inconvenience! This chapter has a T rating.  
_

**Set after **_**Abyss**_

**Alive**

_He was still getting tortured by Ba'al. he must have dreamed being back at the SGC, because somehow Ba'al was right in front of him._

'_Will you give me what I seek?' Ba'al said evilly. _

'_No.' Jack groaned._

_Ba'al turned to one of his Jaffa and said 'Bring her in.'_

_A few minutes later the Jaffa came back dragging a woman with him._

'_Ah yes. I think this is a friend of yours?' Ba'al said as he grabbed her by her forearm._

'_Sam.' Jack croaked out._

'_Such a beautiful woman we have here.' Ba'al said running a finger down her cheek._

'_No.' he said with more force this time._

'_This is what happens when you do not give me what I want.' Ba'al said as he snapped her neck, breaking it and killing her instantly, with his bare hands._

'_No! Sam!' Jack screamed as he watched her crumble to the ground._

"No Sam…no…please Sam…" Jack groaned out loud, thrashing around in his bed in the infirmary.

A compassionate hand touched his and said "Colonel it's me. Your in the infirmary. Your having a nightmare."

The Colonel slowly opened his eyes to see an angel in BDU's before him. She must be an angel, because he had just seen her die before his very eyes.

"Sam…your dead." Jack said a tear running down his cheek.

"Sir you were just having a bad dream. I'm fine and your fine." She said stroking her thumb across his hand.

"I'm at the SGC?" He groaned.

"Yes sir." Sam said relieved.

Jack lifted up his other hand to tenderly tuck a piece of her short blonde hair behind her ear. "Your okay." He whispered.

"Yes sir." She said smiling slightly.

She'd been safe the whole time…she was safe. Jack kept repeating in his head. It had seemed so real.

Suddenly Jack was struck by another thought. "Kanan?" Jack asked.

"It's assumed he's dead."

Jack nodded his head in understanding. Kanan had known the risks when he had gone back to get Shayla. If Kanan had survived and been captured then the same thing that happened to Jack would have happened to Shayla. No he couldn't blame him for what he had done, not with the knowledge that Jack had of Kanan's love for Shayla.

Sam had no idea what kind of things had happened to Jack, but he looked like a broken man. There was evidence that he had gone through the sarcophagus many times, Sam didn't want to think of why that was.

"Sir there's going to be some rouge days ahead, when you really start to feel the withdrawals, you just need to hang in there for a while longer." Sam said as she sat on the bed next to him.

"Will you stay with me?" Jack said as he closed his eyes.

"Yes Jack." Sam whispered to him.

Jack slowly drifted back to sleep with a smile on his lips. Kanan had given his life for his beloved and Jack would fight the next little while. So that he could be himself again…for his beloved.

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_Author's note- Well that's the end, thanks for reading and if you liked it let me know!_


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